Eating Disorder Recovery: Recognizing Your Readiness for Change as a Parent or Loved One

Treatment for eating disorder recovery for kids and adolescents relies heavily on support from parents/family/loved ones.  Parents and/or key support people are empowered by the treatment team to be the energy, motivation and agent of change for their loved one when the individual doesn’t have the motivation or even willingness to recover. But what if the family member also lacks motivation or readiness for change?

This blog helps parents and loved ones to understand and identify their stage of change as it applies to their readiness to effectively support eating disorder recovery. To those people with a family member with an eating disorder, this means we take some time to focus on you, not your loved one with the eating disorder. You as an individual, you as a parent, you as a spouse, you as a loving relative. You matter, and your understanding of your motivation for change will help you help them, and help you find and work on barriers that may impact you as you support the recovery process.

So, let’s talk about you today and how you feel, what you know and believe, where you are, and how ready you are to move in the direction of change/recovery, even if it is an uphill journey.

WHAT ARE STAGES OF CHANGE?

Stages of Change refers to where an individual is with understanding a problem, acknowledging it, and being ready to work on it. In the Bridge the Food Gap: An ARFID Recovery Workbook, we have adapted the stages of change concept and outlined stages not only specific to the individual with ARFID but to their parents and loved ones as well. Those stages are outlined here and can apply more broadly across eating disorders:

• I don’t have a problem. For parents/loved ones this may look like sitting in the belief that there may be something wrong, but definitely not an eating disorder. Maybe it’s GI issues, anxiety, a very busy life that makes it challenging to eat appropriately, etc. Potentially there is block to believing that ED (eating disorder) or FRED (ARFID) is truly there. And it’s possible at this stage we just don’t see anything at all, or clues so subtle that they don’t stand out. If this is you, you may not have even clicked on this blog.

  
  

• This isn’t working! Parents/loved ones at this stage may be seeing that there is a problem. They see food being rejected or feared, they see weight loss or weight gain, they see changes in mood and behavior, they may have even identified that there is an eating disorder but are not yet ready to confront the issues head on. It’s hard to say out loud to yourself let alone to others, but you know something is going on. You may be asking your loved ones to make changes like to eat more or stop worrying about food, or to get more engaged with friends if they are isolating more. You are addressing parts of the problem, but not the problem itself.

  

  Readiness to change image from Bridge the Food Gap: An ARFID Recovery Workboo

• I’m making a plan. Here is where loved ones start doing research. You ask the primary care doctor where to seek help and support, you call treatment facilities, you read books or research online. And here is where you may start talking to your loved one about what you see and what you’re concerned about.

  
  

• I’m actively making changes. And now you are facing your loved ones eating disorder head on. Ideally you are working actively with a team of healthcare providers including a medical provider, dietitian and therapist. And ideally you are adding people to your team including extending family or close friends, and those from your loved one’s school, work, and/or social environment who are in a place to be able to lend support. You are learning what to do and you’re doing your best to get it done.

  
  

• It takes ongoing effort. This one is tricky. This stage usually suggests that your loved one has hit recovery and needs to work on maintaining. But we’ve also noted that ongoing effort applies all the way through the recovery process. Sometimes we think things are going smoothly and we take our foot off the gas, only to find ourselves rolling back down the hill. Ongoing effort means watching and preparing for obstacles and having coping plans to push through the rough times. It means actively recognizing that eating disorders are hard to beat, and that they need to be seen, acknowledged and addressed in whatever way, shape or form they show up

HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO ME?

Being able to evaluate where you are in the process of change, and what your own obstacles as a caregiver is valuable in being the best support person you can be. Are you able to boldly evaluate yourself and your ability in this time of your life, see and acknowledge a problem and access the supports you need to begin to make changes and see them through? Are you identifying what biases you may have, what opinions you have that will help or potentially be a barrier to recovery?

Worksheet from Bridge the Food Gap: An ARFID Recovery Workbook

Caregiving is tough, and you need support throughout this process as well. Ask those around you to share their perspectives and be aware that they may or may not be in the same place with their own readiness for change. Find your own supports that empower you to move forward, and walk with you along the journey, as you walk alongside your loved one with an eating disorder. Utilize our references/resources page, Psychology Today and/or National Eating Disorder Association to look for support.