ARFID & Thanksgiving: Making the Best of It

The funny thing about tv shows and movies about holidays is all the mishaps, arguments and conflicts that occur when families get together. American tv, in particular, usually ends these scenarios with some big, happy, and heartwarming resolution. Culturally, we view certain holidays as family events, always based around food, during which time families come together in a loving way while enjoying the food and the companionship. If you think about it, those shows and related beliefs, may set us up to feel like failures if we don’t have an awesome time for the holiday.

So when we think about Thanksgiving being just around the corner, followed quickly by Christmas, why don’t we think together, and on our own, about what the holidays mean to us, and how we feel about family time and food? Let’s also think about what we may need to do to prepare to make the most of the Thanksgiving holiday when you are dealing with ARFID, in hopes that even if we don’t have that heartfelt moment like in the Hallmark movies, at least we can do what we need to do to manage what may be a challenging time.

This blog helps identify issues to think about and help plan ahead for, with the goal of having the best holiday possible given whatever eating disorder concerns and family dynamics you may be managing this year.

What do we like about Thankgiving?

• I like that I don’t have to work (or go to school) for four days

• I like sleeping late

• I really like pumpkin pie

• I like spending the day with grandma

• I like helping prepare the food

  
  

  

  
  

• I like watching football

• I like the afternoon nap!

• I like playing games with my cousins

• I like when everyone shares what they are grateful for

What are the challenging things about Thanksgiving?

• I don’t like having to drive so far to my grandma's house

• I don’t like people commenting on how I look or what I’m eating

• It’s stressful finding food to eat

• I don’t like being out of my routine

• I don’t like how much noise and commotion there is with so many people around

• I don’t like pumpkin pie, stuffing, or turkey

• I don’t like all the different smells at the same time

• I don’t like feeling pressured to be social

• I feel lonely on Thanksgiving when others are getting together

What will help me prepare?

When you look at your list of what you like and don’t like about the holidays, what is the balance between them? Can you find enough of what you like to balance out some of the things you don’t like? Sometimes when we are motivated by the good things, it helps us to find the motivation to get through the things we don’t like. So, if I’m motivated to be with grandma, to spend time playing games with cousins, and to enjoy my time off from work or school, then maybe it’s worth figuring out how to tolerate the long drive, and the stress related to foods/smells and commotion that I won’t particularly like.

If I’m past the barrier of “I don’t want to go!” or “I don’t want to do it,” then my next task is to figure out how to cope. Here’s where the work starts! So, consider asking yourself these questions:

• Who can I count on for support?

• Who can help me manage the food triggers?

• What can I, or will I, eat for the main meal, as well as any other related family meals while we are all together for the holidays?

• Do I need to bring anything with me to replace or at least fill in at the meals if the Thanksgiving meal is too challenging?

  
  

  

• Do I need to plan when to eat, who to eat with, where to sit?

• Do I need to think about what to say or how to respond to people’s questions about what I am or am not eating?

• Do I want to ask ahead for any support or certain foods?

• Do I, or my close family member, need to let relatives know anything ahead of time so that they won’t say or do triggering things?

Final Thoughts

In summary, this blog is about questions, not just answers. If you can learn to ask yourself, your loved one and your treatment team helpful questions before travel, family events and holidays, you will find that you can use these questions to better prepare yourself for the holidays.

We wish you the best holiday season possible and hope you are well-nourished, both physical and emotionally, on Thanksgiving!!